Long · Time · No · See

Sitting in a big blue chair in the sun listening to Nick Drake with my drying laundry and falling asleep, having cars drive by and slow down to see this bizarre sight, starting and finishing Black Hole this morning.

Finding my car had a flat around ten without driving my car today, then getting flashbacks of running outside at four in the morning to see my mom's car on fire, not thinking to put on shoes to protect my feet from the cold concrete.

Avoiding my responsibilities regardless of the significant amount of spare time I had today.

Case in point, this post.

It was a comfortable day.

But where are they?

Mission Accomplished. Hannah and I went out for ramen and it was delicious! I am lucky to have such good friends. Not just on Valentines day, but all of the time.

I can't help but reminisce constantly in my mind, like some never ending uncut film roll. The laughing and crying blurs together, the set changes, but the story is the same. One huge sitcom, that touches on all the issues without being melodramatic and is able to be humorous without the laugh track. On this special episode, the director aims at capturing my shocking self realization. As I stare into the opposing mirror, I realize how lucky I am to have such understanding friends, friends who cheer me up or smack me upside the head dependent on what I need at the moment. Bridget was right. Seventeen was a year to remember. My pending adulthood is right around the corner, I sure hope I am ready to roll with the following punches that may be headed towards me. I am always told I am a bit hard headed, well I guess it's the puncher's hand that's gonna be hurtin'.

I am finding myself in between sudden bouts of anxiety and euphoria. Right now, I'm feeling the latter, listening to Motown Sing The Beatles.

I'm just about done with my UC application and am leaving the process a little less critical of my writing.

My legs, arms and body is damaged and sore. Bond is becoming more dangerous. MAP/Most Accident Prone!
I almost forgot about my chin chipping ice escapade last winter break or my knee-dislocating dracula mountain drama this summer. It's either my subconscious telling me I need the attention or someone has been sabotaging my otherwise varsity caliber body for reasons that will soon show themselves.

I know you're out there! and I'm coming! With knees like mine, who needs enemies? I guess my Miss America pageant dreams will have to wait another year.

Oh! Yeah! Oakgrove show is gonna be tizight! No more basketball hoops to break and this year I'll have ash trays.

Also! I'm really happy that my brother is coming to LA for two weeks in December.

Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems.
Your Stress Sources

Feels that life has far more to offer and that it is imperative that she should find the responsive and understanding relationship she is seeking; she therefore follows up any opportunity which presents itself. However, she maintains her attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off her feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on her emotional relationships as she must know exactly where she stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against her own tendency to be too trusting.
Your Restrained Characteristics

Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.Conditions are such that she will not let herself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.

Your Desired Objective
Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

Your Actual Problem
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

Your Actual Problem #2
Wants to act freely and uninhibitedly, but is restrained by her need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.

I almost feel like there is someplace I should be or something I should be doing when I'm home, but when I am out galavanting around I feel like I should be home, a more steady and comfortable place. It's as if I think I can tackle any problem if I slow down, see friends less. By going home or staying there, I am attempting to legitimize my logic, but when implemented it never makes me feel like I want it to.

Tonight I explained to my mother how I was an average student and was not exemplary in any one subject leaving me in a more complicated situation that those with clear cut patterns. She told me I was great at something not taught in school, leadership. Ha. I never thought mother-daughter pep talks worked but I guess they do.

During a group meeting with a Brown representative today, when asked what was most important to Brown admissions, I blurted out personality. It was the first thing that came to mind. Obviously a freudian slip, as it is what I wanted to hear. Everyone laughed as my face became slightly pinker. Regardless, I left the meeting happy and a bit more confident.

My life is just beginning and I just can't wait. The brain is a big muscle (located right behind the nose) and all we have to do is exercise it more often so it stays in shape.

So in conclusion, I feel great and nervous and I have a brain, and so do you, so lets use them, and once I calm down my heart and fix my knees, I'll have my body catch up to my quick sprinting mind.

Sup witch choo?